I practiced yoga today. For the first time in a really long time. You might be surprised by this, considering that I have my training, and consistently speak about the benefits of yoga. But the truth is, I was waiting. Waiting for the perfect time until I could resume my regular practice- hoping to get to my favourite studio 3-4 times a week. I told myself that I never enjoyed a home yoga practice, and just didn’t want to start one. It wasn’t me. It always felt so much better in the studio. I needed to get there. In short, I was so attached to what my life ‘used’ to look like.
The spare time I used to have. The white space. The quiet. The time to ponder whether I wanted to head to a yoga class or not. I was waiting for that time to come.
Hilarious, right? Kind of. I’m a rational person, so I was able to comprehend that my life is different now (in a million amazing ways that I wouldn’t change, by the way), and that I don’t really have the time to make it all work at this point in my life. But I wanted so badly to be the exception. Super-mom, but super independent Mom, who didn’t lose an ounce of her pre-child identity. It’s not that it’s a bad thing to want something different for yourself, but in this case, it was only making me stressed that I didn’t have it, and was compromising my ability to focus on what I could actually be doing to cultivate a greater sense of peace and well-being in my life. I took that all or nothing approach. Not something I’d recommend doing, my friends.
Ultimately, something happened over the weekend. Maybe it’s the fact that Ben’s been sick for quite some time (making a turn for the better-yippee!), or the Sunday morning conversation between my hubby and I about our lives at the current moment, but I think I ultimately just surrendered. I was tired. Tired of waiting, hoping, and never feeling as if I had ‘enough’ me time, yoga time, etc. etc. This, in combination with some tough love, helped me to get a clear picture of how things actually were, in the moment, and then look at what could be done.
Basically, I gave up.
I gave up trying to be the exception. Trying to keep every ounce of how my life looked a year ago. I decided that I could still live the life of my dreams, despite not being able to get to the yoga studio a few times a week. Ha- of course I can! It was funny to think that I thought I couldn’t. That I thought it had to be put ‘on hold’ for just a little while longer, until xyz magically fell into place. So, I decided to do something about it.
I found YogaGlo- an amazing website that customizes classes for you based on your interests and needs, and signed up for their subscription. I rolled out my mat, slowly stepped my barefeet onto its rubbery surface, and began my practice. Because this is where I am in my life right now. And I’m perfectly content with that.
I invite you to ‘give up’ with me. Where in your life are you resisting confronting reality, perhaps not acknowledging where you are, what changes have to be made, what compromises have to take place? Are you attaching to an ideal that simply isn’t happening right now- almost white knuckling it? How liberating would it be to say ‘the hell’ with the diet, the gym routine, the relationship that’s simply not working? Take a moment to contemplate what this is doing to your energy, to your relationships, your mentality. Allow that vision you were attaching to (in all the wrong ways) to be released.
Please share a comment below with who you’re willing to give up. I love hearing from you! 🙂