So….we’re almost 7 weeks into this whole parenting thing, and boy is it a whirlwind! Lovely, joyful, undeniably special, but challenging! It’s definitely gotten easier the past few weeks, and with each passing day I’m feeling a bit more confident. I’m learning that a ‘good day’ usually depends on the type of sleep we’ve had the night before. A good night’s sleep is when I can catch about 2-2.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. I realize how crazy it might be to read that, but I’m learning that the Mama’s body is an amazing machine, and I think I’ve been surviving on pure adrenaline the past 7 weeks.
Those middle of the night feeding sessions were super challenging in the early weeks. I used to think people were crazy when they said you’d miss the middle of the night feedings…I still somewhat do (hehe), but I have a tiny bit more understanding of where they’re coming from. There is something peaceful about that time of the morning when everything is quiet and it’s just Ben & I. I can still recall our first morning together in the hospital. Ben was snuggled up and sleeping on me around 5am after he finished feeding, and we had a beautiful view of the sunrise coming up. It was so serene, peaceful, and special. Our tiny little miracle was finally here. All of this being said, I can’t emphasize how excited I am for Ben to start sleeping through the night- whenever that happens to be. 😉
I’m learning so much about myself and life since Ben’s birth. I’ve had new ideas for blog posts almost every other day, ranging from varying aspects of mindfulness to body image, so on and so forth. Today I wanted to focus on how I’ve been trying to deal with the challenging times. It seemed like a good place to start, because challenging times are something that we all have to experience, and will continue to experience in our lives. One key question that’s been helping me to remain positive as opposed to feeling like I’m drowning is this:
How can I grow from this experience?
When I’m in the midst of 2am feedings, frustrating moments, Ben resisting sleep at 3am, I sure as hell don’t want to stop and answer a deep question centered around my personal growth. I want to roll my sleep deprived eyes and tell my psychologist-yogi self where to go. So what was a girl to do? I tried to approach this experience the way that I try to approach other difficulties and stressors in my life. I explored how I could give myself permission to go through my experience, yet also move forward from it.
So, especially in the first few weeks, I cried it out, allowed myself to be upset, and leaned fully on my support system (Lucky Jaryd!). In these moments, I’ve simply got to admit it without any sugar coating- this is hard f***ing work, and it’s ok to feel like I’m drowning.
Part of the key here is to aim for a balance- allow the emotions to be felt, but bring awareness if I start to feel like I’m being consumed by the emotions. I want to feel them, not drown in them (that’s not helpful for anyone!). Once I give myself that moment, I’m much more prepared and even willing to explore how I can grow from this experience.
I can grow from this in pretty much every way possible in my life. Ben has allowed me to practice mindfulness, patience, and love from a perspective I’ve never experienced before. And truth be told, I’m still learning how I can grow more and more each day. Because each experience is a new one, and we’re all constantly growing. But if you don’t step back from the moment to simply notice and become aware, you’ll miss out on the beauty that it holds.
So, have your moment. Stop avoiding or becoming consumed by your stressors, and find the balance between the two. This is that sweet spot where you can step into the light. Closer to the person you wish to become. Closer to the life you want to be living.
Namaste,
Tara